


Be Okay

by can_i_slytherin



Category: Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Ryan Bergara, Insecure Ryan Bergara, M/M, Protective Shane Madej, Quarantine, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:47:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26895430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/can_i_slytherin/pseuds/can_i_slytherin
Summary: In which Ryan is struggling with the Californian lockdown, but Shane is always there to help.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 14
Kudos: 132





	Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, I'm British, so I only have a vague idea of how the lockdowns in America worked. If this isn't accurate or whatever, please let me know!
> 
> Other than that, Happy Reading!!

The day that Gavin Newsom came on the news with an announcement that California would be placed into an immediate lockdown, Ryan’s heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. 

“Shane,” he whispered, eyes filling with tears as he glanced down at his phone, sending his boyfriend a pained look. 

The man in question gave a heavy sigh, chewing softly on his bottom lip and scrubbing a hand across his barely-there stubble. “I know, baby, I know.” 

“Fuck,” Ryan murmured, burying his head in his free hand whilst the other struggled to keep a grip on his phone, shaking enough to make his picture blurry. “Shane, I can’t do this.” 

“You can,” Shane urged, more confidence in his expression than in his voice. “It’ll only be for a little while, you’ll be fine, okay? We’ll call everyday so that you don’t get lonely and we’ll get through this. We can do this, okay? Together, right? We’re the Ghoul Boys, nothing can break us apart!” 

Ryan laughed wetly, shaking his head at his boyfriend’s antics, and pulled his hand away from his face, hastily wiping away his tears before Shane could see them. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.” 

“Hey,” the taller man chastised softly, “none of that. This is a big change, Ry, you’re bound to want to have a little cry. Believe me, if Obi wasn’t on my lap right now, I’d probably be crying too.” 

The smaller man giggled again, feeling marginally better for Shane’s well-timed humor, and nodded softly, drawing in a deep, calming breath. “Okay, it’s just gonna be weird not being able to see you everyday. Like, I’m so used to being around you, man,” his voice grew thick with emotions, cheeks flaring red and eyes shining. 

“Babe, no,” Shane soothed, brows pinched together in concern.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” he hissed, trying his hardest to wipe his tears away before they could fall, but it ended up being a fruitless attempt because they fell faster than Ryan could catch. 

“Oh,  _ Ryan, _ ” Shane breathed, face contorted into one of distress. “Listen to me, baby, okay? You don’t have to say anything, just listen, can you do that?” He waited for Ryan’s nod before continuing. “Good boy. Now, regardless of what happens, I will be here every step of the way, okay? If you need me, you phone me and I’ll answer. I love you, Ryan Steven Bergara, and that won’t change just because we’ve been put into quarantine.”

A barely-there smile stretched across Ryan’s lips and Shane’s heart soared at the small action. “I love you too,” the tan-skinned man whispered. 

“There’s my sweetheart,” Shane cooed, chuckling softly when Ryan’s smile grew briefly. “I missed that smile.” 

“ _ Shane _ ,” Ryan whined, blushing heavily and averting his gaze. 

“ _ Ryan _ ,” the pale-skinned man copied, grinning at Ryan’s tiny snort. “I love you so much, Ry.” 

“I know,” Ryan replied, lifting his head slightly to show Shane his smug smile. 

“You little shit,” he hissed. “You did  _ not  _ just quote Star Wars at me!” 

“Oh, but I did,” he countered. 

The laugh that tumbled from Shane’s lips warmed Ryan’s heart and made his chest feel tight. Even though they were in quarantine, Shane still made him feel fuzzy and loved. 

  
  
  
  


Two weeks later, they were still in lockdown and Ryan was slowly beginning to lose his mind, using Watcher content as a distraction from his impending breakdown. But, as was with any type of mental struggle, it was only a matter of time before the ever-growing list of difficulties became too large to deal with and something, even the smallest thing, would destroy the carefully crafted serenity. 

As he was typing out a new plan of action for the latest Watcher Weekly, his laptop pinged with a news alert and his heart stuttered in his chest, making him freeze, fingers hovering over the keys. 

_ Signs That Quarantine Is Destroying Your Relationship _

Ryan moved his cursor, pausing over the small box as he debated whether to open the article, and, after a brief moment of contemplation, clicked on the headline, nerves crawling into his throat and restricting his airways. 

_ Recent studies have shown that many couples have struggled during the recent lockdown, stating that it has placed major strains on their relationships, leading to an inevitable break up. Using the results of these studies, we’ve compiled a list of signs that your relationship may be failing.  _

Ryan sucked in a sharp breath, fingers shaking as he scrolled past an ad and onto the next section of the article, heart thumping against his ribcage with enough force to make him feel sick. 

**_You’ve begun to argue with them about small things that wouldn’t have mattered before._ **

Ryan felt a jolt to his core, shooting through his chest and down his arms to his fingertips, making them feel numb. He and Shane had been arguing more about Watcher stuff, clashes with their ideas, but surely that didn’t mean they were going to break up? It was just the worry about what would happen to their company with the lockdown. Right? 

Despite his growing apprehension, he read on. 

**_You’re no longer the top priority._ **

Ryan gasped, tears springing to his eyes, and he shook his head, biting down on his lip as a way of grounding himself. Shane had been a lot more focused on Puppet History and often brushed him aside when he asked to facetime. But, he was stressed about the success of his show. He needed it to be good to keep the viewers interested, surely? 

**_Your sex life is slowly dwindling to nothing._ **

He shook his head, breathing a sigh of relief, if there was one thing he could confirm it was that his sex life hadn’t changed much since the beginning of this lockdown. Shane was still very much attracted to him and it was the same in reverse. 

“It’s fine,” he whispered to himself, “you aren’t going to break up. You’re stronger than this. It’s just the stress of the quarantine.” 

Despite his affirmations, he continued reading. 

**_Your conversations are short and uninterested. You, or your partner, seem ‘a million miles away’._ **

There were times when Shane seemed a little off, like he was in another world mentally. But, Ryan always chalked that up to the distraction of Watcher and their various shows. Could it be that Shane was uninterested in  _ him _ ? 

Ryan shook his head, feeling guilty for doubting his boyfriend, but there was an insecure part of his brain that wouldn’t quieten down. 

**_You start to wonder if there’s a future for you both._ **

There were times when Ryan wondered about the company, whether it could survive the damage that the lockdown would cause, but that wasn’t about the relationship, surely? It was financial worry and stress. They’d invested so much in this and it needed to be successful. 

But, what if it was just a cover for his worries about his and Shane’s relationship? What if they truly were going to break up? What if the stress of the quarantine was too much for them to handle? What if Shane didn’t love him anymore, but wouldn’t say anything because he didn’t want to hurt him? 

By the time Ryan realised that he was crying, it was too late. Great, ugly sobs tore through his throat, leaving him breathless and scared. He slammed the lid of his laptop closed, leaving the article open, and chucked it onto the table with more force than necessary. He buried his head in his hands, shoulders shaking with the strength of his cries, and, suddenly, felt inexplicably lonely. 

He knew he should phone someone, phone  _ Shane _ , and talk about his feelings, rather than listening to a stupid article most likely written to cause reactions like this one, but he couldn’t help but feel apprehensive about revealing his childish worries to someone. 

The decision was taken out of his hands, however, when his phone blared to life, his ringtone singing out across his dead-silent apartment. He glanced down to look at the caller I.D. and seemed to cry harder when Shane’s goofy face stared up at him from the screen. 

He debated to answer, but the need to be comforted outweighed his apprehension and he fumbled for the  _ answer  _ button, tears blurring his vision. But, he managed to hit it, his screen filling up with a live feed of Shane’s face. 

A broken sob fell from his lips and he couldn’t find the strength to pick up the phone, leaving it lying on the sofa beside him, his ceiling being the only thing visible from his camera. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Shane’s concerned voice rang through the speakers and the pet name, rather than bringing comfort, made his chest ache even more, drawing a whimper from his lips. 

“Talk to me,” he coaxed. “What happened, honey?” 

“I can’t,” Ryan cried, hastily shaking his head. “I don’t want you to leave me.” 

“ _ Ryan _ ,” Shane breathed, sounding utterly heartbroken and it made Ryan feel inexplicably worse. “I’m not going anywhere. Nothing you can say will make me leave. Please talk to me, so I can help you feel better. It’s breaking my heart to hear you like this.” 

“ _ I don’t want to break up, _ ” he wailed, tears falling and sobs tearing through his throat, leaving him struggling for breath. 

“Oh, my sweet baby,” the taller man soothed, concern riddling his voice, “who said that we’re gonna break up?” 

In an uncontrollable case of word vomit, Ryan let the floodgates open and his every worry tumbled from his lips with no sign of stopping. “We keep arguing and I'm not your top priority anymore and we hardly talk anymore and Watcher might fail and I'm worried about what that means for us. This article said that these things were all signs that we’re gonna break up.” 

His breath came out in heavy pants, shuddering through his lungs before breaking through his throat in a rush, and the tears seemed to have stopped, but the quivering of his lip and the tightness in his throat remained. 

Shane made a disappointed click with his tone, though Ryan could hear the tease in it. “We believe everything that we read on the internet now?” 

“ _ Shane, _ ” Ryan urged, pulling his hands aware from his face, even though Shane couldn’t see him, “it’s true.” 

The taller man dragged a hand through his hair, falling silent for a moment with a contemplative look on his face. When he spoke again, it was with a fire in his eyes and an odd sort of determination. 

“You’re right,” he agreed, “it is true. We have been arguing a lot and I haven’t been making enough time for you, but that’s on me because I’ve been worried about Watcher and Puppet History. However, that doesn’t mean that we’re going to break up. It just means that we’ve both been uber stressed lately and the company has needed more attention because it’s still in the early stages.” 

Ryan fiddled with his nails, picking at skin on the side of his fingers. “But, the article-” 

Shane cut him off before he could say any more. “That article is bullshit, Ry,” he spat vehemently. “You know how I know?” 

“How?” Ryan whispered, voice far too small and quiet for Shane’s liking; he wanted to  _ hurt  _ the person that wrote that article for making his baby feel this way. 

“Because it doesn’t tell you how much I love you,” Shane replied and, at Ryan’s disbelieving snort, made a noise of disagreement. “I mean it, Ryan. This article is bullshit because, despite all of its accuracies, it doesn’t take into account that I love you more than life itself. It doesn’t know that I would give up  _ everything  _ before I gave you up. I’m a selfish bastard, especially about you, you’re mine and I’m not letting you go, no matter what some article says.” 

“ _ Shane _ ,” Ryan breathed, chest feeling too tight to do much more than that. 

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered. “I love you so much and it’s going to take a lot more than a lockdown to push me away,” he paused for a moment, letting Ryan absorb everything that he had said, before speaking up again after a few minutes of silence. “Now, let me see that gorgeous face.” 

“Shane,” Ryan whined, “I look like a mess.” 

“Baby,” Shane whispered, so much love filling his voice that Ryan could  _ feel  _ it deep in his own chest. “I don’t care if you’re covered in something unsavoury, you’ll always look gorgeous to me. Now, lemme see you, please? I miss your sexy face.”

“I hate you,” he grumbled, but there was no heat to his words and he still picked up the phone, angling it so that Shane could see his face, as requested. 

“There he is,” he cooed, eyes alight with something like happiness and relief. “I’ve missed you, baby. Could never forget how pretty you are, but my memory is nothing like the real thing.” 

“Shut up, you dork,” he mumbled, wiping at the dried tear tracks on his cheeks, and the ghost of a smile pulled at the corners of his lips. 

“Don’t hide that smile, sweetheart,” the taller man coaxed. “I wanna see you.” 

His smile grew against his will and he half-heartedly glared at his boyfriend, but left his face completely free to Shane’s gaze. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, baby,” Shane murmured, “just missed you.” 

“I miss you too,” he whispered, voice small and apprehension lacing his tone. 

“I know, but this’ll all be over soon,” he sounded distracted and, for the first time since their call started, Ryan took account of his surroundings. 

“Are you in the car?” He questioned, head tilted to the side in confusion. 

Shane glanced down at the screen from where it was rested, probably somewhere in the centre console, and grinned. “Yeah, had to make an emergency trip.” 

Ryan’s brows pinched together, confusion growing into concern. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, everything’s fine, baby, don’t worry. Just had to run an important errand,” he explained and Ryan felt his concern ease, a weight lifting from his chest. 

“So, what are you doing this evening?” Ryan questioned, trying to keep Shane on the phone for as long as he could. 

“I’m just going to-'' Shane cut himself off, pressing down on his horn. “What the  _ fuck  _ are you  _ doing _ ?! Fucking idiot, jesus christ,” Ryan snorted, rolling his eyes at his boyfriend’s roadrage, and felt a flutter in his chest when the taller man looked down at him with an adoring look. 

“As I was saying before this dickhead tried to cut me off,” Shane smoothly continued, “I’m going to watch some movies and chill with Obi.” 

Ryan nodded, feeling slightly jealous that Shane had a pet for comfort whilst he had nothing, but pushed the feeling aside, focussing instead on his boyfriend’s face. “How is Obi?” 

“Confused,” Shane joked, “I think he’s wondering why I’m always at home.” 

“I keep forgetting that this lockdown affects animals too,” Ryan pointed out, humming thoughtfully. 

The taller man made a noise of agreement, nodding softly. “Yeah, animals understand more than we think.” 

“Yeah,” Ryan murmured, lulling himself into a sense of calm with the noise from Shane’s end of the call; his gentle breathing, the roar of the other cars and his own engine. 

There was a lapse their conversation and, soon, even the rumble of Shane’s engine stopped as he pulled up to his destination. “I’m here now, baby, but I’m going to stay on the call with you, if that’s okay?” 

Ryan nodded furiously, eyes wide with hope. “Please.” 

“Of course,” Shane smiled warmly and shot Ryan a wink, thoroughly unneeded, but it made him laugh nonetheless. He climbed out of the car, pulling his mask on as he did, and began to walk somewhere, no defining features to show where he was. 

The hiss of automatic doors gave away his location though and Ryan rolled his eyes at Shane’s  _ emergency trip  _ to Walmart. “Really, this is your emergency errand? Shopping?” 

“Hey!” He protested, playfully glaring at Ryan over his mask. “I ran out of milk, don’t judge.” 

Ryan held up his free hand in defense and fondly shook his head. “You’re an idiot.” 

“You insult me, Ryan Bergara,” Shane murmured in mock-offense. 

“Good,” he replied, “it’s payback for all the shit you’ve given me these past years.” 

“Yeah, I’m good, just wanting this lockdown to be over,” it took Ryan a few moments to realise that he wasn’t talking to him. There was a quiet response from someone off-screen, barely audible, before Shane’s eyes sparkled with adoration. “My boyfriend,” he paused for a second, nodding softly. “About two years now,” there was another moment of silence. “Yeah, I miss him like crazy. I hate that we’re in separate households. I just wanna hold him, you know?” Shane nodded again, reaching up to brush his hair away before smiling, his eyes crinkling. “Yeah, definitely. Thank you so much, have a good day, ma’am.” 

“Sorry ‘bout that, baby,” Shane murmured as he exited the store, clearly talking to Ryan again. 

The man inquisition shook his head, eyes shining again, but with happy tears now, the tightness of his chest as a result of his love for Shane rather than sadness. “It’s okay. It was odd to hear you talk that way about me though.” 

“Why?” He questioned, unlocking his car and placing his phone back where it had originally been resting. “I’ve already told you everything that I told the cashier.” 

“I know, but I’ve never  _ seen  _ you talk about me to other people,” Ryan explained. “You looked so in love.” 

“That’s because I am, dipshit,” he replied, throwing him a teasing smile. 

“Fuck you,” the tan-skinned man hissed playfully. 

Shane fell silent again, the sounds of his car and the outside traffic resonating through the speaker again, so Ryan went quiet again, letting his boyfriend concentrate on driving home. Shane always looked gorgeous, but he was something else entirely when he was driving: perfectly focused and determined. Confident in a way that was different to his regular optimism. 

Ryan took the silence as time to simply watch the taller man and take in everything that he had been missing. The arch of his eyebrows. The deep, whiskey of his eyes, like a window to his soul; the slope of his nose. The slice of his jaw, now hidden by a thick beard, but still there. The curl of his hair behind his ears, too long from going without a haircut. The strength in his shoulders and the broadness of his chest, curving down into narrow hips, carved from stone and blending seamlessly with his long, lean legs. 

It all boiled down to one thing. One, simple word.  _ Shane _ . 

“You okay there, little guy?” Shane’s voice came through the speaker and Ryan jolted out of his thoughts, smiling sheepishly like a child caught with its hand in a cookie jar. 

“I- yeah,” Ryan breathed, averting his gaze and blushing with embarrassment. 

“Don’t be embarrassed, sweetheart,” he cooed. “I’m quite flattered, actually.” 

Ryan rolled his eyes and grinned when Shane let out a deep chuckle that rumbled through his chest. It was only then that he realised that Shane had come to a stop and completely shut off the car, just sitting and watching Ryan.

“Okay, so I might have ordered you some comfort food,” Shane whispered, lifting one hand to scratch at the back of his neck. “It should be getting to you right about now, so when they buzz, let them in, okay?” 

Ryan let out a puff of air, his heart twisting with gratefulness for his boyfriend. “What did I do to deserve you?” 

“I dunno, but whatever it was, I stuck around for more than that,” he grinned, the hint of suggestiveness in his tone, and snorted when Ryan wiggled his eyebrows at him. 

“Okay, do I have enough hands for this?” Shane muttered to himself, glancing around his car for a moment before shaking his head. “No, but I can make two trips.” 

“How much did you buy?!” Ryan shrieked. “I thought you went in for milk?!” 

“Well, I might have gone a little overboard with junk food,” he replied, a bright, proud grin spreading across his lips. 

“You’re an idiot,” he hissed playfully. 

“Thank you,” the taller man chirped, grabbing his phone with one hand whilst the other reached for the first of his bags. 

“You know, this would be a lot easier if you hung up,” Ryan suggested, hoping that Shane rejeccted the idea. 

“Nah,” he replied, “you can’t get rid of me that easy, Bergara. Do better.” 

Shane made his way across the parking lot to the front of his building and fiddled around with the door for a few moments before shoving it open and wandering through the halls. It took him a couple more trips, but he finally lugged his purchases into the hallway outside of his apartment. 

“Delivery guy should be there with your food soon,” Shane murmured and cursed loudly as he fumbled with his phone, his grip on it loosening for a moment, but got cut off when he hit the mute button. 

“Shane, you’ve muted yourself, idiot!” Ryan chuckled, shaking his head, and glanced at the door when a knock sounded from the other side of the wood. “Food’s here, I think,” he lugged himself over to the door, feeling mildly petulant as he dragged his feet. 

He unlocked the door, pulling it open, and his words died on his lips when he saw the person standing on the other side of the wood. Shane grinned down at him, a mischievous gleam in his eyes, and let out an involuntary puff of air when Ryan threw himself at him. 

He buried his face in Shane’s chest, inhaling his scent and listening to the beat of his heart. “I’ve missed you so much,” he cried, tears pouring down his cheeks again and soaking into Shane’s shirt. 

“I’ve missed you too, baby, so much,” Shane replied, dropping his head to press a kiss into Ryan’s hair. There was a meow from somewhere beside his boyfriend and Ryan lifted his head to stare at his boyfriend with an incredulous look. 

“I brought Obi,” he murmured, motioning to the cat carrier with one hand whilst the other stayed firmly around Ryan’s shoulders. 

Ryan seemed to cry harder at that, finally realising what Shane had done. The suitcase, Obi’s cat carrier, the bag of Ryan’s comfort foods, the rucksack, likely filled with Obi’s food, bowls and toys. 

Shane had packed to, essentially, move into his apartment- for the lockdown at least. 

“When did you do this?” Ryan questioned, voice muffled by Shane’s shirt as he buried his head back into his chest. 

“When you answered the phone in tears,” Shane explained. “I wasn’t kidding when I said that it broke my heart and I made the decision in that moment that I couldn’t be away from you any longer. So I packed everything up and came to you.” 

The smaller man let out a broken sob and pressed a warm kiss over Shane’s heart. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he repeated like a mantra. 

“I love you too,” Shane returned and squeezed Ryan’s shoulder softly. “I need to get my stuff brought in and get Obi out of his carrier.” 

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed and reluctantly pulled away from their hug to help lug Shane’s things into his apartment. 

  
  
  
  


Later, when Obi had settled into his temporary home, Ryan pressed himself close to Shane, burrowing into his side, and simply laid there, basking in his warmth and touch. Shane traced nonsense patterns into Ryan’s bicep as he scrolled through Netflix looking for something to watch, and Ryan didn’t realise how much he had truly missed his boyfriend until that moment. 

His heart surged with happiness, every nerve ending buzzing with love for his hairless sasquatch; who, in the middle of a pandemic, had said, essentially,  _ fuck the rules  _ just to be with him when he was most needed. Who loved him enough to pack his necessities and travel to his apartment at the drop of a dime. Who got him comfort food and held him until he was okay again. 

And, with Shane by his side, he would always be okay. 


End file.
